My "Most Interested Party" Theory: Why the MIP Theory is Essential to Advocates...AND to Life!

Many people have told me that they thought it's been remarkable how involved I've been in Michael's ICU  and Rehab experience, not leaving his side if I could help it, assisting the nurses, prodding the doctors.  

While I admit I'm grateful to have discovered the important gift of what a strong stomach I have for messy medical stuff, my actions were determined largely by a theory I developed years ago.

I call it my "Most Interested Party" Theory and it goes like this:

The person who is the Most Interested Party (MIP) will get something done more resourcefully, more quickly and more effectively than any other party involved.  

Also, the MIP will make sure that Something is done - as opposed to Nothing is done, Nothing often being perfectly acceptable to a lesser interested party.

Collorary: 

One's willingness to allow any another party to handle any action that directly and undeniably affects you is determined by:

1. Hitting a "Knowledge Wall," i.e., it requires expertise you don't have, such as medicine, dentistry or computer hard drives (although Google and other search engines have brought fast personal education in quite nicely to delay this factor)

2. Virtual Helplessness, i.e., a rule or boundry you can not control or cross, often connected with a government or any other bureaucracy that has guards present

3. Real Trust, i.e., the other person cares as much as you do about the result or is evolved enough to really care about the fact that you care

4. Diminished Passion, i.e., you don't care that much, so the Result Risk (RR) is acceptable

This theory has stood me well over the years, especially as an advocate for someone I love (like Michael), especially when at the mercy of a hospital, which, after all, is only staffed by mere and extremely busy human beings.

Control Freaks and Others Love the MIP Theory 

Hm! I can hear you asking, is there a mild scent of Control Freak coming off this theory?  No, I declare, not for me.  Normally, I'm kinda easy-going and laissez-faire.

I do admit that the MIP Theory is indeed the underlying belief system for any respectable Control Freak, however, you don't have to BE a Control Freak to use my Theory.  

You simply have to have observed that you've been disappointed by other people's lack of priority to deal with something you thought was important.  I felt anger about this when I first discovered it.  Why don't they care as much as I do?  How dare they?

But now I feel no rancor is needed and consider it a simple Fact of Life: Nobody cares more than you do about what you care about.  My theory just stands to reason.

So, I ask myself in any given situation, "How much do I care?"

If the answer is "Not that much" or "Somewhat," then I'll take my chances delegating, suggesting or asking.

BUT...if the answer is "Passionately!!!!!" then I know what I have to do.

Everything I can.

The Gym...OR...Pills?

I've got weight gain...Michael's got muscle atrophy.

Is there a pill we can take to make it go away?

I actually googled the weight reduction aide Alli today, which works by "decreasing absorption of fat by the intestines," and reducing the calories you absorb - IF you're already doing low fat, low calorie and high exercise.

Which I am - since the healthy lifestyle is my preference - so, it sounds tempting. A little boost would be appreciated.

Immediately, I found a report from the Mayo Clinic - whom I respect - saying that this expensive pill might only take off an extra six pounds a year. And on days when you might eat more than 15 grams of fat, might cause "unwanted effects" like urgent bowel movements, diarrhea, and gas with oily spotting.

I immediately unwanted it.

Then I thought - hmmm! I wonder if I should take something thermogenic to really boost my body's fat burning ability?

Then I found a report from Dr. Andrew Weil - whom I respect - saying that thermogenics, which uses stimulants to boost your metabolism and suppress your appetite, might create short term weight loss, but "you won't maintain this weight loss without eating less and exercising more" - plus - "several of the ingredients are potentially dangerous."
Sigh!

So today, Michael and I had appointments with Trainers at the gym - his trainer having special expertise in working with people fresh out of medical rehab. He actually did a plank today - and the recumbent bike. Gym-Boy is back!

My trainer, the amazing Debbie, is five years older than I am (and I'm 57 going on 40) and leads the "I Hate to Run" class, as she is an advocate of slow, easy running. That made me look at her warily.

Then she said the magic words to me: "When you run, you can eat anything."

I looked at her thoughtfully. "But I don't run," I told her, "unless someone is chasing me." I explained that I was the fat girl in P.E. class who dreaded the words "Take a lap" even more than "Let's pick teams."

But I will say, I am going for a natural thermogenic...

"Trust me," said Debbie.

So today, for the first time in my life, I jogged in two short spurts on the treadmill. Just like those fit, young girls I see who actually sweat.

I was surprised. I was not out of breath or uncomfortable, yet my always excellent heart rate soared thermogenically. And, after months of sitting, it felt good to move. Debbie said that those two short bursts actually took me a quarter of a mile. Hmmm.

So I'm going to let Debbie have her way with me. Cautiously. Slowly. Guardedly.

Because she absolutely guaranteed me there would be no gas with oily spotting.

Patricia's New Magic Running Shoes -
Expensive, Comfortable & Thermogenic

Flirting With Reality: Just Interviewed by Alan Cohen on his Hay House Internet Radio Show

Flirting With Reality: Just Interviewed by Alan Cohen on his Hay House Internet Radio Show
www.Tiny.cc/weightlossinterview

Just Interviewed by Alan Cohen on his Hay House Internet Radio Show

Inspirational speaker and author Alan Cohen had me as his guest on his Internet radio show on the Hay House Wisdom Community website as a weight loss expert ( ironic for me, since my job now is to put weight ON someone, at which I've been very successful: Michael's up from 110 to about 130 now - yay - and I'm up about 15 pounds - damn!).

It was good to be back in the saddle as in inspirational speaker - especially as this is an unexpected season of my life where I get to walk my talk. Makes you think about what you believe. And I stick to my firm belief that you have to focus on health - not weight - or your inner rebel will show up immediately and stay for dinner.

The interview will be available at HayHouseRadio website at for two weeks, starting May 7th (and then you need to have an ID/password to access archived interviews) - but I'll publish it on my website soon, as this blog won't accept the link.

So if anyone out there is visiting this blog for the first time, I want to give you the fabulous piece I read on air that's about self-acceptance. The author was unknown, so I cleaned it up and rewrote it. (Note to authors: ALWAYS put your name on your work!)

WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM THE ROSE

Author Unknown

Rewritten by Patricia Alexander

When we plant a rose seed in the earth,

we notice that it is small

…but we do not criticize it as rootless and stemless.

Rather, we treat it as a seed,

giving it water and nourishment.

When it first shoots up out of the earth,

we don’t condemn it as immature and underdeveloped;

nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear.

Rather, we stand in wonder at the process taking place and give the plant the care it needs

at each stage of its development.

The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed

to the time it dies.

At all times, it contains its whole potential within it.

As a result, it is constantly in the process of evolving.

Yet, at each stage…at each moment…

…it is perfectly all right as it is.

I believe that it is only from this point of self-love and acceptance that you can become the healthiest version of yourself you can be. We are all roses at our own stages of life, thorns and petals all part of the deal!

ICU Visit For Closure

We returned to the Intensive Care Unit at Twin Cities in Templeton to Say Thank You! We're Alive and Well - Thanks to Your Care! (The lady on the far left is the caring and resourceful Anna, who'd bagged me my illicit cot, bless her!)
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We knew we had to do it.

It was good manners. It was an act of encouragement for their souls and ours. It was closure.

We knew we had to back to the ICU where Michael had spent 33 fateful days and nights.

Plus, we had a 5-pound box of See's Candy to give the staff, the grateful compliments of Bill and Susan Burgos. (Do you know how many free samples they offer you while they're filling a 5-pounder? Oy! Don't ask!)

We both had a certain amount of trepidation about going back. Although Michael has no memory of that time, he feared what he might see behind the ICU double doors. And as for me - I remembered everything.

None of the doctors who treated Michael were there, but I knew all the shift nurses - and they were completely THRILLED to see us. They had just released several patients and the ward was light - so they could spend time with us and it was less stressful for Michael (no one yelling, no buzzers or bells. It was meaningful to the nurses to see Michael walk in on his own power, a little thin, but obviously doing so well. He thanked and hugged them multiple times.

They hugged me lots and told me how good it was to see me rested. "She was exhausted!" They exclaimed to Mr. B.

They said many complimentary things to him about me. "She wouldn't leave your side, even to go to the bathroom unless someone was with you," remembered one nurse. Michael smiled lovingly and squeezed me. My face trickled the whole time like a leaky boat.

The isolation room with the outer alcove for changing into gown/gloves/mask was empty and wide open, so I took Michael in and showed him where we'd spent most of our time. As we left, I said to the nurses, "Hey, someone left their slippers under a chair in that empty room."

"Oh that's not an empty room," they answered. "They took that patient out to run a test."

Whoa! When we were in that room, you could not have mistaken it for empty. The chair bed in the corner covered with blankets...bags of food...a suitcase...an iPod...cards taped to the wall. I sighed, hoping it meant that the occupant wasn't going to be there long and not that he didn't have someone there for him.

Well, that hadn't been so bad. Closure!

BAD REPLAY.

Then we went downstairs and Gerri, the lovely lady in Admissions, called us over to sign our book. She'd come up to the ICU several weeks in, saying God had put us on her heart and that she'd been praying for us. She brought us a book by Max Lucado about hope, and I'd given her a copy of our book. So many people like Gerri with generous and spiritual hearts held us up during that difficult time.

So now we were standing in her office and she was telling us how she'd known Michael was extremely sick when we'd first come in. She talked on for a while and Michael indicated he needed to sit down. As we both slid into the two chairs on the other side of Gerri's desk, I suddenly had a flashback. It was a physical duplication of how we started the whole nightmarish journey.

I think I almost started to hyperventilate. Gerri had to take a call and I clutched Michael's sleeve. "I need us to leave," I whispered urgently - so we stood up. Gerri got off the phone, grabbed our hands and prayed with us and we all hugged - and finally we left.

All in all, Michael found the whole visit less disturbing than he'd feared - but I was kind of a wreck for two days. I felt overwhelmed, sad and fragile. To relive that moment was So traumatic.

Emotionally, Michael took care of me. He was so sweet and attentive. He's intensely aware that I'm recovering as much as he is and we are definitely taking care of each other. I went into a cocoon mode as much as I could over the next two days, hanging out in our bed, watching my Gilmore Girls DVDs, doing puzzles, reading, eating (my lifelong standby comfort), and cuddling with Michael as he stroked my forehead, and playing "Stuffy Theater" with Michael and our stuffies. In other words, I turned to all my comforts.

Hey, now's definitely the time to walk my talk.

Two days later I awakened feeling more ready to face the world.

It's not lost on me that there's some kind of strange symmetry to us starting and finishing the ICU part of this journey in those two chairs.

I'm just so relieved to be on the finishing end of it.

1st Entry From Michael Himself!!!!

DICTATED TO PATRICIA BY MICHAEL:
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It has been made clear to me that while I was in intensive care, my organs failing, my body reeling, that my spirit needed to make a decision.

Should I go to the light? Or return to that body, with all its challenges, and live out the remainder of my life in physical form.

In many ways, it seems counter-intuitive to return to physical form and face the long journey of regeneration, retrieving my lost abilities from the stroke, existing for months in a weakened 112-pound body, working to regain some semblance of my pre-illness self.

The answer, simply enough, is I came back for love.

To express love, to receive love, to know love, to share love. I have been blessed with a life enriched with sweet individuals who have reserved special little places for me in their enormous hearts.

And I am especially fortunate to have one particular person - my "Whosis" - with whom I share a daily life exchanging great fondness and affection. Patricia and I share the deepest of joyful soul connections and, in addition, we find great pleasure in each other's personalities.

How lucky am I to spend my life with a person I love and like - a person who entertains me, who stimulates me - who always bring a smile to my face - who can make my blood boil (PATRICIA: Is that for being sexy or angry? MICHAEL (LAUGHS): We'll leave that up to the interpretation of the reader!) - a person who sweetly purrs next to me at night (PATRICIA: You mean snores!) and giggles at my humor during the day.

A person who's loyal beyond question, steadfast beyond all reason, a person who has displayed for me the truest meaning of commitment, the dearest friend a person could ever have in a lifetime - and my forever sweetheart - soon to be my Mrs. B.

So there! I came back for love.

And I don't regret it. (Although next time my spirit inhabits a body, I'm going to order bigger biceps and two functioning kidneys.)

"Why me?"
There is a voice inside of me that does express itself and asks "Why me? Haven't I had enough physical distress and challenges for a lifetime? Why all this crap now?"

I usually reframe the extraordinary health challenges that have been brought my way as some of my most profound life lessons. They soften me by making me more empathetic, both to myself and others. I tell people I wouldn't wish this suffering on anyone, much less myself.

That always moves me, because I feel a great compassion for self...which is my biggest life lesson.

My latest tussle with the nasty H1N1 virus has afforded me the opportunity to be of service as a spokesperson for vaccination. I have a simple message for everyone: Why risk spending 40 days in Intensive Care when you can just get a shot and protect yourself?

If my message reaches anyone and convinces them to be inoculated, then my suffering has not been in vain.

(How's that for a biblical semblance!)

CA Dept. of Public Health Wants Michael to be Poster Boy for Vaccinations!!

Wow!!!! I'm Going to Be the New Poster Boy for Getting a Swine Flu Shot!!"
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This just in! Got an email from the Public Relations firm that represents the California Department of Public Health. It seems someone at the CDPH saw the newspaper article and suggested we be contacted to see if Michael would be interested in participating in some media interviews.

And, unlike the SLO Tribune, they like that we wrote a book about mind/body/spirit health!

As you can imagine, Michael was on board - and you know I was. (They're interested in my take as a caregiver who went through the experience with Michael - and as an inspirational speaker who addresses caregiver groups.) They promised not to schedule any phone or article interviews for early in the morning (which Michael would have requested even before the Swine Flu) and if there's TV, we can probably do it from the San Luis Obispo TV station.

We connected with a very pleasant young woman, Kierstan DeLong, who came to realize quickly that we already had some media experience from promoting The Book of Comforts.

"You're making my job so easy!" she said with appreciation. Our pleasure, Kierstan!

And it really is. Our hearts are to use our painful experiences to help others avoid repeating them. And if we happen to promote the book and speeches and workshops along the way, well, it's in alignment with our life's mission to encourage others to realize the healthy power of being Reasonable Hedonists.

NEW SWINE FLU OUTBREAK COMING
This is all happening because the CDPH is expecting a third outbreak since the public is suffering from the delusion that the Swine Flu has run its course (they can't give the vaccine away)...and with spring break coming.

What people don't know is that it takes two weeks for the vaccination to take effect - so when it comes to students - coming to your community soon - ideally, the Health Dept. wants them to get vaccinated before spring break. (People also don't know that if they do get a cold or flu that they should see their doctor early, not late, to get the Tamiflu, just in case, as it's the only thing that can knock the Swine Flu back to a less severe version.)

The PR firm is planning a wave of media featuring a doctor. But they know that the public also wants to hear from a non-doctor person, too - and that's Michael.

I KNOW I SHOULD GET A VACCINATION, BUT...
Many of you have written to us that our situation started a fire circle of your friends getting vaccinated. But I can also tell you that I have had people look me right in the eye, express sincere sympathy for what we've been through - and then admit they are NOT going to get vaccinated! (Hold me back! Hold me back!)

You know, I understand people waffling about getting a vaccination, since many of us are suspicious about them or have heard stories about bad side effects. However, after what Michael and I have been through, I couldn't be more clear about how much better it is to GET THE DAMN VACCINATION!!!

Triple that if you have a compromised immune system...
...or live with someone who does...
... or work in an environment where you come into constant contact with people.

And by the way, let me define "compromised" or "at risk" immune systems: that's when you have a health-affecting contributing factor, such as being a SENIOR, OBESITY, CANCER HISTORY, DIABETES, HEART ISSUES, LUPUS, ASTHMA, ANEMIA...you know - anything on that noxious list they have you check off when you see a new doctor. Sadly, it's rare to be able to leave all those boxes unchecked, isn't it?

FIND YOUR LOCAL SWINE FLU VACCINE HERE
Kierstan sent me this fabulous link to find where you can get your vaccination:
Check out the vaccine locator tool at www.cdph.ca.gov. You can simply type in your zip code for a comprehensive map and list of both free and paid vaccine clinics near you. You can also text 30644 and enter the words NO FLU and your zip code to receive a message back with the nearest vaccinator information.

Please write me at patricia@patriciaalexander.com or comment on this blog to say you've gotten your vaccination. It will encourage me not to throttle people when they don't.

P.S. - Special thanks and kudos to my Weight Watchers Territory Manager, Bobbie Surra, who was touched by our troubles enough to arrange to offer H1N1 vaccinations to people attending the recent Open House at various Weight Watcher locations. Bobbie, you rock!

(And I look forward to ending my Leave of Absence from leading WW meetings in about a month. Hugs to all my members and thanks to Terrie and Juana for taking over my meetings.)