Michael is Worse, Condition More Complicated

Michael's condition has had a major setback and he is in the ICU on the ventilator again. Thank God, he is totally sedated.

This has been a nightmare. My only comfort, besides the support of all you wonderful family and friends who love us, is that they keep assuring me he will have no memory of any of this - if we get through this.

I can't give you the daily details of this journey since the last entry - they just go on and on and change constantly.

But I will say that his lungs took a step backwards. They have discovered a rare lesion (growth) in his lower airway that is obstructing his left lung that the doctor said could be an early stage of cancer - though it currently tested benign - and this whole thing could be a strange Godsend that it got discovered and can be removed. But first they just want to open his airway with a laser and/or a stint.

They are conferring with UCSF or Stanford, who are the most experienced at doing this. I'm waiting to hear if they will ambulance him there, open his airway and give him a tracheostomy for the ventilator, which patients recover better from than mouth tube ventilation. The doctor says he has every reason to believe Michael could return to his former life.

He has had a small stroke, which is the least of all this, as he has already shown he can move his left leg and arm, so they can come back with physical therapy. And his left eye vision has a reduced field but that's all.

He also has encephalopathy, water in his brain from the H1N1 , says one doctor - tho they've been telling me all along it was from the 2 weeks on sedation. (It is VERY hard and frustrating to get details that are consistent and in English from these doctors and there have been confusing misunderstandings to add to the stress.

But the brain condition will heal. While Michael's been awake and improving these former two nights and days, it's been like he's on a high drug trip, hallucination. Sometimes it can become a bad trip and I've had to fight 3 levels of nursing staff to get the right to stay with him all night on the first floor, where he was inappropriately released yesterday (day before?) , instead of the 2nd floor Observatory (DOU) ward where he could have more attention. Stress I didn't need. But they would have had to drag me away with four guards to get me to leave - and I made them reassess him and take him to the DOU.

But I got some sweet time with my darling, where I talked him through the night, steering him away from seeing knives and thinking he was out of bed, and going over all the memories of our ten years of traveling together. He was so sweet and loving, holding my hand, caressing my face and hair, and remembering all the B&B's and all the adventures in all the cities we've been. I read him your emails, showed him your cards - and he always said loving things in response and appreciation. Whatever happens I will cherish this odd and special time I've had with him.

Ironically, the Swine Flu is finally out of his body and he's off "Isolation" with us all having to wear masks, gloves, gown. Now we're left with its path of devastation.

He can come through this - or he might choose to take his leave of us. Whatever he chooses, we must be at peace with it - I am. Michael's never been afraid of the life that comes next. But he also has survived cancer twice and he also wanted to go the hospital to get better.

Please keep praying for him.

Love,
Patricia