FINALLY! Some Good News!

Hi, loved ones.

This morning the dtr did another Bronoscopy (camera and suction down ventilator tube) and was able to clear out three very large, probably old clots of blood and mucus from Mr. B.'s lungs - and what do you know? He could then clearly see the tell-tale lesion was small and out of the way and - not a problem! Turned out these clots were what was blocking his air tube - but the last Bronoscopy looked so confusing, they thought, well, a lot of things.

So the need to get a stint and go to another facility IS OVER! We're back to being here and trying to heal and go forward.

In the name of that, he was to get out the nasty life-saving tube and get a Tracheostomy at 2 today - got bumped to 5 due to an emergency surgery on someone else (poor guy/gal). I kept feeling like a big fat liar because I kept telling Michael "soon, sweetie, soon - be patient."

Now ding-dong the deed is done and I held his hand all the way to the double surgery doors. He was alert and understood that I was telling him he was in good hands with people who had done this gazillions of times, and that it would make his healing time easier. His calm nod made me feel a gazillion times better and I kissed his forehead, told him I loved him and sent him off.

It went well and he woke up shortly after - still annoyed to have one more damn tube down his throat. They had to leave the feeding tube in to make sure he wouldn't be nauseous after the anesthesia. I soothed him asleep with a cool wet washcloth on his forehead and a rhythmic chant of "You won't remember this...you won't remember this." They'll be taking it out when he wakes up (an hour?). Tomorrow, in a quick procedure here in the room, they put a tube directly into the tummy and he'll be fed that way until he can safely eat again.

He won't be able to talk yet - they use a trach tube at first that protects the airway from secretions. But when they're sure he's ready (different for all), they just pop the tube out and switch it for a different type that allows him to get air thru his vocal cords. But he's already skillful at communicating with his eyebrows, head nods, facial expressions, right hand squeezes and gestures, and even his right leg and foot pointing and moving.

We finally got a break!

Interesting note about my emotional response when he was suffering the Apnea breathing mask after the panic attack and hating it: Sunday night 2 am, after watching him suffer and after skipping sleep for about two nights, I hit the wall and was shaking with cold and having trouble feeling my hands and feet and feeling very peculiar. I'm sure my blood pressure dropped or surged - that's why I had to go home, where I continued to feel terrible. Food was repulsive, sleep didn't make the weird feeling go away, even tho Shelene and Russ and Leslie took great care of me. I was afraid I was not going to be able to hold tough through the next chapter if all that continued.

But when I got back to the ICU and saw he was awake, tubed again, and needed me, I guess adrenalin kicked in - and that icky feeling left me. I ate gratefully - if not ravenously - and felt strong again.

Last night I did get home around 1:30 am, took a 40 minute hot shower, half a valium (compliments of Michael, it's always around like aspirin) and slept until 7:30 and felt SO much more normal. And now, better than adrenalin, hope surges through me at this latest development.

I even got to my chiropractor (who's across from the hospital) and got a much needed adjustment, some Vitamin B for stress and a loving hug from Sara at the desk. Also, a quick lesson on how to rub Michael's ears, hands and feet to deliver energy to his body. And I picked up some lavender cream and essence to start some aromatherapy. (No reason not to use many healing modalities; traditional medicine is not the only way.)

Having Michael's sister Susie with me has been good, too. Hospitals make her turn pale, so it's double brave of her to be here - and so good to talk with her more. This whole journey has had a hidden blessing of drawing Michael's family and me and my family and friends into a tighter unit of support and love. Hey, Michael's sisters have gotten to spend some time with my wonderful brother Russ - and their paths have only crossed a handful of times in ten years!

Closing with more funny stuff Michael said while tube was out last time and he was not tracking reality:

--"I'm going to go out, sweetie; you stay here."

--After the swallow lady, testing his ability to swallow soft food, gave him a little taste of something creamy and white, "That's ex-QUIS-ite!!!"

--"Have you brushed your teeth? Your breath is bad." (It wasn't - I actually had just brushed my teeth with one of those new travel picks.) I popped in some peppermint gum and chewed it near his face and he got a vicarious thrill. "That's better, Sweetie!"

--"I appreciate everything you're doing, sweetie. But I need a little alone time now." (ME, GRATEFULLY: "Sure! I'll go over there and take a nap!" FIVE MINUTES LATER, HIM: "Sweetie?" SIGH! SO MUCH FOR ALONE TIME.

Closing note: I tried to check off a box on this blog that said to allow you to comment whether you were a member or not - so I hope the process is easier. Please try again if you got discouraged when it asked you to create a sign-in. Your comments mean a lot to us - and I'll be reading them to him soon...

Love,
Michael's Big Fat Loving Liar